Today I'm writing about a topic that I think many in my circle can relate to in our stage of life. The "B Word", otherwise known as breastfeeding. If you find this to be irrelevant to you right now, bookmark this and come back ;) We've all heard this before: "Breast is best" and with more natural care coming into the forefront, for some of us it's no question we'll attempt to breastfeed from day one. As we become new mothers, we are offered all sorts of classes teaching us how to embark this journey and learn different techniques to feed our little ones this amazing "liquid gold", but what we aren't prepared for is the real trenches. 

I've said this before, and I'll say it again: breastfeeding is the hardest thing I've ever done. It has taken a toll on me both physically and emotionally. I feel as though my mind, body, and soul has been stretched in ways I could never imagine. This may sound a bit dramatic about something that is so natural, but it is a true feeling. Before I dive any deeper, I want to be very clear that any choice a mother makes for her child is because it is what she feels is best and that is the bottom line. Nobody knows a child better than his mother. Along with that, I think it should be understood every mother and every baby is different, as this is the experience I've had with Liem and the choices I've chosen for our family. I do think the emotional impact of the topics I'm about to discuss somehow relate to us all. 

The perseverance that is required  

I'll be honest here, when I was pregnant and getting coupons and formula samples, I thought to myself, "Why would I ever need this? In fact no mom should need this if she can produce milk and should work her hardest to breastfeed her baby." Oh how I didn't know! I completely understand why any mother would make the switch and offer an alternative to breast milk. It is incredibly hard to keep going or sometimes even start! If you have chosen this route, do not beat yourself up. You're amazing for feeding and caring for your baby! It is a lot of work. For us specifically, we enlisted the help of many different professionals and therapies to get to the rhythm we have today (chiropractic care, pediatric dentist, myofascial therapy). I've wanted to quit so many times for so many different reasons. I get it now. In one of my many meltdowns throughout these past several months about whether or not I should keep going, I received some advice from a wise mom in my mommy tribe: "What is even better than the mom with the healthiest breast milk or the most nutrient dense, organic formula is a mentally sound, well-rested mother and a healthy, well-nourished marriage. That is what your baby needs most." What a perspective that was for me. 

The effect on marriage

Any progress we've made here has been made possible only with help of Adam. Yes, I may be doing the heavy load of producing and feeding, but his support and help is everything. (Special shout out to the single moms who do this on their own. You're heroes!) He gets the pump set up every morning and night, prepares the bottles if we bottle feed, manages the freezing, and sterilizes the parts. Sounds like small tasks, but they are tedious. Teamwork is key! But, of all the things we've gone through together in our marriage, this has probably been the source of our biggest quarrels. When you combine an over exhausted and stressed mom with a dad who feels helpless, it just does not add up to the marital bliss like it was before baby. Moms can be extra sensitive and no matter what he says, it's never the right thing. I say to hang in there and remember that it won't always be this way. Your baby will not demand as much from you both and you will get to love on your relationship once again. I hope to write in a future post how we've managed to weather through this storm :)

The emotional strain

I have a lot of words for this one, but to simply put it- it's emotionally exhausting. You spend all of your days calculating around the clock when to feed and/or when to pump, so on a regular basis that is what your mind is filled with. When you don't produce as well one day, you feel like you've failed at your job that day.  Think about this (especially you exclusive breastfeeding mamas): every single ounce your baby has gained and his success in development is because of what your body has made to feed him. Isn't that so amazing, but also a lot of pressure at once? And then there's the peanut gallery. You have been working so hard to eat enough of the right things, making sure you produce plenty and everyone has some kind of commentary on your progress. Some are well meaning yet still judgmental, and some oblivious to how it affects us as moms. These opinions wear down our confidence as a mother and the choices we've made for our family and can be simply deflating. When did being a mother require so much defense and explanation? We are the ones spending all of our time with our babies and we're the ones doing all of the research, discussion, and seeking out resources for information and knowledge. It would just make sense for us to be trusted and supported in our instincts. 

The physical strain

The great thing about breastfeeding is that you do burn a lot of calories, but this is not what causes the physical strain. As long as you continue to breastfeed, your body still doesn't look like it did before pregnancy. Things are still fuller than they used to be and because you're trying to eat so much to produce, the baby weight just doesn't "fall off" as easily. Fashion also takes a backseat. Those cute rompers and dresses you used to wear have to wait because if you cannot easily lift it up or pull down for him to access, you'll end up sitting in a bridal suite during one of your weddings pumping in just your panties because you thought you'd wear a cute dress to work. (No, that never happened to me...) Another physical strain is if you're in a social setting, you are closed off to people during feeding or pumping sessions because you don't want to be exposed or make anyone uncomfortable. Unless you're in Europe. It's all free and natural there! 

With all of this said (and I know it's a lot), however far you get in your journey, it is worth it. Breastfeeding is such a beautiful bond we as mothers get to have with our babies and truly a blessing God has given to us to be able to provide. Nobody else gets to experience this but us! I write all of these grievances to express the struggles of breastfeeding, but I hope to encourage other mothers who are in the thick of it as well. When you become a mother, your heart and soul undergoes an incredibly large change. You gain this sixth sense for your children that nobody will ever understand but yourself. You are the one that gets to make the decisions and have the power to guide and raise your children into the person you want him to be. Of all of this, the most mind blowing thing is you also get to change your mind on your terms along the way as you are learning and stretching. Try not to let anyone rob you of enjoying motherhood and cloud it with worry or stress you're doing something wrong. Remember that you know your baby best and you're doing an unbelievable job. Hugs!  

Photography by The Moody Romantic

"It's been awhile" seems to be the theme of most intros to these posts, but I'd like to change that and hopefully that will if you've been following along on my other social media outlets. I'm taking a few steps back and trying to do a little less laboring, and a lot more savoring, at least for the summer. Since Liem has been born, things have been a little crazy (also another reoccurring theme in life lately) and as much as I say over and over again that I do love my job and couples, the moments are fleeting so let's change the theme here. 

Now that I've been a mom for all but twenty minutes ;) I thought I'd share a few thoughts and tips I've gathered so far on this journey of motherhood. As you read this, I want to you to know, there is no amount of advice or research that can compare to your own mother instinct. It's a strong sense, trust it most in times of fret!

Family bond

Those first few days you and your family arrive home from the hospital are so precious. It's a time you are getting to know each other and settling in together. I had some good advice to cherish this time and to limit visitors/help so there is an intimate environment. Those quiet moments of a family of three are once in a lifetime, don't take it for granted. I know you're thinking, "I'm going to need the help!" but let me give a bit of insight. If your husband gets a bit of time off with you guys, you're all set. At first your baby only needs you, especially if you're breastfeeding so there is not much extra hands can do. Take visitors as you'd like and are ready for, but reserve the time as you need. You'll all appreciate the quiet.

Quiet time

Speaking of quiet time, infants are very easily and quickly over stimulated. I repeat, they are very easily over stimulated. Of course you've heard that you'll want your baby to get adjusted to your daily life and routine so they'll need to be around the everyday noises of your home, but making sure they're in a calming environment is equally as important. Follow your baby's cues and understand if the restaurant is too much, or if there are too many new faces in his. You have to remember, they just came out of a very protected and cozy place into this busy world, be sensitive to that! 

Breastfeeding

Gosh, this could use a whole post within itself. Every mom has her own experience and it may be very different with each child, but I will say I've loved breastfeeding. It's a special bond between myself and Liem and I find it so amazing that my body is able to produce food to nourish him. I will admit it's probably the hardest thing I've ever done- yes, even harder than birth! Sounds crazy, but here are my reasons: You still have to upkeep a solid diet to keep good production and if they don't react well to anything, you have to rid that of your intake too. Saying bye to things like cheese and bread is not fun! Sometimes you can feel like a prisoner because those first few months when they eat every two hours doesn't let you go very far without baby, and it can be painful until you get whatever the issue is resolved. It also takes will power. It is your choice whether you choose to breastfeed, so it can be easy to want to quit. (I do want to make it clear that you are no less of a mother if you choose this route!)  It's one of the hardest dances you'll learn together, but once you do, it's so special. 

Take care of yourself

There is so much in postpartum that isn't always discussed and I can understand why- it's not the most attractive thing to talk about! Our bodies have gone through an incredible amount of stress and work, and then we must care for the new joy so self care can be overlooked. This is when the extra help can be really useful. Take the time to shower, sneak in a nap when you can, step out of the house alone even if it's just for 45 minutes. Your body is healing physically and emotionally. Whatever you need, allow for yourself to have it. Don't feel guilty, you deserve it! 

Survive

 If you were anything like me, you read a few books and googled your heart out about parenting trying to take a crash course on how to be a good mommy. There is so much research out there about how to do it right and what not to do, but once you're in the deep trenches of it all, it's a bit different. You just have to do what you have to do and survive. All that you read about what you're baby is supposed to be doing right now but not? Listen to your him and ride the waves, he'll let you know when he is ready. 

Grace

And finally, this is the best advice I can give- allow yourself some grace. You're not always going to get it right. You're not always going to feel like a rockstar, but you are doing your best and that is exactly what your little one needs. There are going to be days you're just not sure this is exactly what you want, or if you are cut out for motherhood, but when you look at your sweet babe, there is your reassurance. Being a mother is hard work and self-sacrificing, but such a joy nobody can understand until you are one yourself. 

People tell you all the time to treasure every day of these first moments because they fly by and I cannot agree more. It's almost as if every time you blink there is a new milestone. Seriously, enjoy every second!

Photography by The Moody Romantic

The last time I was typing on here I was still pregnant playing the waiting game and little to my knowledge, I was experiencing the onset of labor. It was my first time so who knew what to expect! About 11 hours later, my entire world changed. 

The morning of February 10, 2016 I woke up at 4:30am with signs that labor could possibly be happening. I frantically woke up Adam and he called our doula. When she told us to relax and try to get some sleep because the time could be coming, I burst into tears. I was scared of what was to come, but mostly so sad to end my pregnancy. I knew we were going to meet our little miracle, but fear and anxiety overcame any excitement I could've had. I began to have a few minor contractions, but they went away so when we called our OB later in the morning, he also said to hang tight and relax because it could be coming but it'll be awhile. 

The contractions came back around 10am, but we decided to try to go about our day. Adam stayed home from work so we did some errands: Hobby Lobby, Sam's Club, etc. You know, usual places you go to when you're in labor :) The day went on and the contractions kept coming, but they were never consistent enough for us to be fully alarmed. We learned in our birthing classes that 5-1-1 (five minutes apart, lasting 1 minute long, for 1 whole hour) meant it was "active labor" and definitely time to get into the hospital. With that in mind, I just tried to distract myself and bear down every time a contraction came around. The day went on and evening finally rolled around. We decided to get me a smoothie since I didn't eat too much at lunch and right around then was when the pain just intensified. Again, they were still not on that specific pattern but I felt it was enough to alert the hospital. When we got ahold of the Doctor on call, he said to just come in. I'm so glad we did because by the time we had gotten there, I was fully dilated and it was time to push! I had completely labored at home and if we were there any longer, Adam might've had to catch the baby! 

When I came into this, I wasn't sure what to expect or to feel. After all of the birthing classes, the books I read, and the late night google searches, I had this image that I'd give birth ever so gracefully with my hair done in a nice braid and makeup on. I got a chance to shower and that was all I could do manage through those contractions. I arrived at the hospital in my pajamas, and a raggedy pony tail. I figured out really quick none of that mattered. What was about to happen was far beyond a braid or some blush. 

For this part of the experience I always describe it as getting ready to go on show for Broadway. Stay with me here. We got checked in, the nurse told me change into a gown, and there were so many people rolling all sorts of equipment in and shuffling around getting the "set" ready. Then they got me on the hospital bed, hooked up to all sorts of gadgets, and then- the lights came on and it was "showtime". 

The doctor that was on call didn't know he was on call and was actually out to dinner with his family, whoops! As soon as he got there and scrubbed in, we were ready to push. Now here, is where it all really gets real. Every ache and pain was magnified at this point since I didn't have any medication and I could feel my body making the changes to prepare for the final stage of labor. I was so exhausted, and I wanted to quit so many times, but I tried to keep my focus and get ready to meet our baby boy. That was by far the most intense hour of my entire life. And then, I heard the cry. I don't know if it was because I was so worn out by this point that I've blocked out every single noise, but it was as if the entire room was silenced and there was this little babe announcing his arrival. 

Then the came the rush of feelings. My adrenaline was racing through my body, I felt like I just finished two marathons back to back and won first place in both. My heart was going to burst because the life that was once living inside of me is staring at me bright-eyed and snuggling on me like he knew exactly who I was. I felt like I won the lottery because the two boys that were loving on me at that very second made me the luckiest girl in the world. An amazing moment to never forget. 

Robert Liem Whitten, we are entirely enamored by you and have loved every single minute of your life here with us. We treasure all of the little noises you make in your sleep, the way your eyes stare deep into ours for , and watching you figure out your new world. Our lives may have completely changed and will never go back, but we wouldn't have it any other way. Sweet boy, we love you so. 

All photography courtesy of our dear and sweet friend, Aly Renee Photography

Photo by Charla Storey Photography

We are sitting here at 39 weeks, patiently waiting for our baby boy to make his appearance in the world. If I thought I had a rush of thoughts and emotions at 8 weeks of pregnancy, I'd tell my old self to hang on because I haven't seen nothing yet. I'd also let myself know that every bit of exhaustion or food aversion I had then would so be worth it because being pregnant is one of the most amazing experiences I could ever have. It's inexplainable, really. 

The connection Baby W and I have made over these past 9 months is a bond that nobody else can relate to and it has become ever so sweet. Between the kicks, flutters and hiccups (he has a lot of those), I almost feel like we have our own language. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was hit with the thought that I'd never be alone again- literally there was a little heartbeat with me at all times! But truly, I have loved toting him everywhere on our trips, daily Target runs, working big weddings, and special dates with Daddy. 

The biggest and most notable part of pregnancy is seeing the change in my body- it is absolutely incredible! I even find myself waking up, feeling this baby bump, and thinking to myself, "Wow, my body is so cool!" Just to comprehend a life growing, nourishing, and preparing inside my belly is beyond my grasp. It's clear evidence of our magnificent Creator and how He carefully made us to be useful for doing good things. It is striking to believe He has trusted me in carrying His masterpiece. 

This journey has been so beautiful and as much as I am ready to meet our newest family member, I know I'm going to miss this. And frankly, I'm pretty nervous for the next part of pregnancy-labor. It is surely unknown territory and I do not do well with unfamiliar. I do know I am my mother's daughter, and I know she gave birth by herself (yes, she labored and pushed alone because my dad was doing an interview on the other side of the refugee camp and didn't know) to one of my brothers. So when my dad returned, there she was holding a baby. I understand how crazy that story sounds, but she did it! I'll just have to remember that God has the most perfect timing and His plan is always perfect. 

Hello friends, I know it's been awhile, I feel as if Texas wedding season has taken me by the storm! The days are half as long and the sun is already setting by the time I get out to run the rest of my errands. I probably say this more often than not, but gosh how time flies! It's already the 23- week mark in our pregnancy, a bit over half way! The last few months of my life have been a whirlwind of feelings both physically and emotionally, and I can only imagine there will be so much more to come. I've already started picking up on things that I've learned so far and there are a few that weigh heavy on my heart:

Have a Mommy Tribe

I've always found it important to build a group of people around you that are your people, your "tribe". These are the ones that you can count on for anything at anytime. Not just for good or fun moments, but the times you're in the pit of hell and they will come and sit there with you, for you. As you grow and develop, these people will interchange, but you start to learn how to discern who should stay on the outskirts, and who is part of your core. In addition to these people, it's wise to have a set of other moms who you trust for advice. They may not be a part of your core tribe, but are there for the moments of tough heart-shaping and guidance not only for the little one, but for your own self too. 

This lady here is my sister in law and a big part of my Mommy Tribe :) 

Rest is Real

Ever notice when a child is downright fussy and has awful temper tantrums? It's not because he is having bad behavior or difficult to deal with, it's because he's either tired or hungry. Rest and nutritional health are such valuable fuels to our everyday function and most often neglected- I'm talking to you, business owners! I don't know what I imagined my life to be like being pregnant and then a mommy, but I just assumed I could do it all and play the juggling game. Except, I can't. Being pregnant takes real energy and I can imagine raising a little one takes twice that. I've been exhausted all over lately and it's affected every single aspect of my life. This pregnancy has opened my eyes to accepting that it is ok to slow down and stop embracing the busy. God designed our bodies to need to rest, let's not mess with the blueprint. 

Grandparents are Treasures

Today marks a heavy milestone on my heart: the day we lost my joyful hearted mom. It's been 2 years and so much as happened since. I always miss my parents, but growing their little grand-boy has only made the grief more apparent. It saddens my heart for my little ones to never get to meet their Ong Ngoai + Ba Ngoai (grandpa and grandma in Vietnamese), but I will promise to make sure they know who they are and how their legacy is ever so strong. Going through this pregnancy without having my Mummy is probably the hardest thing I've had to experience since she's been gone. As a girl, you rely on Mom for all sorts of things as she is there for it all. I have lots of questions about things I wish I could ask her, or wish I could learn her way of doing certain things, but I'm going to have to do my best here and thankfully my sweet, sweet in-laws are beyond support for me. 

Love on Your Spouse

As our sweet little boy is growing (and moving!) my heart continues to grow and shape for his arrival. It's almost as if every waking moment, and sometimes even during sleep, you think about the baby and all the things you'll need to do to prepare for his arrival. I'll have to say it's fairly easy to forget about the most important part of this whole process: the marriage. You get caught up in all of the appointments, planning, shopping- you name it, but one must remember there are only a few months left with just the two of you so cherish every second and make sure to show how much you treasure each other. A joyful marriage is key to a joyful family. 

I can only imagine what the next few months have in store for us as he's shaping out and growing more and more. I've read that he already has developed his facial features and just needs to gain more fat to fill it out. The whole process God designed is simply amazing. Oh, how I can't wait to love on that little face! 

Photography by Dyan Kethley | Adorable Models: Charlotte + Esther Nguyen